Not Funny Didn T Laugh Xbox
You know how the maxim goes: Laughter is the best medicine. And at that place's then much truth to that old adage. If you're having a bad solar day, or if someone you honey needs a picayune cheering up, humour tin help ease the tension and create a little pocket of joy amid life's stresses.
This collection of funny quotes provides an array of ways to trigger that smile and turn around someone's lousy mood. (Even if that someone is you!) We've got funny quotes nigh love, wedlock, crumbling, parenting, and then many more relatable topics. Grab your favorites for greeting cards, social media captions, or even just to impress and hang above your desk to serve equally a piddling reminder that life's not that serious — and we're all much meliorate off laughing so we don't cry!
These funny quotes come from famous comedians similar Betty White, Joan Rivers, Lucille Brawl, and Phyllis Diller. You'll also find laugh-out-loud quotes from your favorite timeless sitcoms similar The Office, and funny-but-oh-so-wise movies like Steel Magnolias. Then enjoy our listing and bookmark information technology to come back to anytime you need a laugh.
Looking for more inspiration? Check out these poignant quotes for women and inspirational quotes about life.
Funny Quotes About Life
i. "Life is curt. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That's i of my mottos."
—Stanley Hudson, The Function
2. "In that location is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me upward to meet it."
―Mindy Kaling
three. "I always cook with vino. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
—W.C. Fields
4. "People say money is not the key to happiness, only I have always figured if yous take plenty money, you lot can take a key fabricated."
—Joan Rivers
5. "Do not have life likewise seriously. You will never become out of it live."
—Elbert Hubbard
6. "I more often than not avoid temptation unless I can't resist information technology."
―Mae W
seven. "Sometimes you lot lie in bed at night and you don't take a single affair to worry near. That ever worries me!"
—Charlie Dark-brown
8. "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is truthful."
—James Co-operative Cabell
9. "I'g killing fourth dimension while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness."
―Bill Watterson
10. "You simply live once, only if yous do information technology right, once is enough."
―Mae West
eleven. "If at first you don't succeed, try, effort again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."
―W.C. Fields
12. "I love mankind... information technology'south people I can't stand up!!"
― Charles 1000. Schulz
13. "I think God, in creating homo, somewhat overestimated his ability."
―Oscar Wilde
14. "Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to exist agape of how much they honey me."
—Michael Scott, The Office
15. "Two things are infinite: the universe and man stupidity. And I'm not certain about the universe."
―Albert Einstein
xvi. "When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye."
―Cathy Guisewite
17. "Life is pleasant. Decease is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome."
―Isaac Asimov
18. "When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should take been more than specific."
—Lily Tomlin
19. "I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day within my fort."
—Zach Galifianakis
20. "I just want to prevarication on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted."
—Kevin Malone, The Function
21. "Whenever I'm about to practise something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do non do that thing."
—Dwight Schrute, The Office
22. "Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just every bit well."
—Mark Twain
23. "I'chiliad non crazy — I've but been in a very bad mood for twoscore years."
—Ouiser Boudreaux, Steel Magnolias
Funny Quotes for Friends
24. "Well, you know what they say: If you don't have annihilation nice to say about anybody, come up sit down past me."
—Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias
25. "A woman is like a tea bag: You lot can't tell how strong she is until you lot put her in hot water."
—Eleanor Roosevelt
26. "Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, only what you want is someone who will take the double-decker with you when the limo breaks downward."
—Oprah Winfrey
27. "Whatever women do they must practice twice too as men to exist thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."
—Charlotte Whitton
28. "I drinkable to brand other people more interesting."
—Ernest Hemingway
29. "Wine is abiding proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy."
—Benjamin Franklin
30. "When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bond yous out. A best friend will exist in the jail cell next to you proverb, 'Damn, that was fun.'"
―Groucho Marx
31. "I'k not offended by blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb. And I besides know that I'yard not blonde."
—Dolly Parton
32. "I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet."
—Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
33. "Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping."
—Blanche Devereaux, The Gold Girls
34. "The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some grade of mental illness. Think of your three all-time friends. If they're OK, then it'southward you lot." —Rita Mae Brown
35. "My friends tell me I have an intimacy trouble. But they don't actually know me."
—Garry Shandling
36. "People waste product their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I only drink whatever's in the drinking glass."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Gilt Girls
37. "I don't care what they say about me. I but want to swallow."
—Pam Beesly, The Office
38. "Don't waste then much time thinking about how much you weigh. In that location is no more mind-numbing, boring, idiotic, self-destructive diversion from the fun of living."
—Meryl Streep
39. "Even I don't wake up looking similar Cindy Crawford."
—Cindy Crawford
twoscore. "I don't trust anyone who does their own hair. I don't think it'southward natural."
—Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
Funny Quotes Nigh Aging
41. "The clandestine of staying young is to alive honestly, eat slowly, and prevarication about your age."
—Lucille Ball
42. "Honey, time marches on and somewhen yous realize information technology is marchin' across your face."
—Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
43. "You lot know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to dull down past your doctor, instead of by the police."
—Joan Rivers
44. "People say, 'How you stay looking so young?' I say, well, practiced lighting, good doctors, and good makeup."
—Dolly Parton
45. "Look, you didn't enquire me for my opinion, simply I'm old, so I'k giving information technology anyway."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
46. "No matter how bad things go, remember these sage words: You're old, you sag, get over it."
—Sophia Petrillo, The Aureate Girls
47. "Yous know you're getting sometime when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could practise while you're down there." —George Burns
48. "Age is something that doesn't matter unless y'all are a cheese."
—Luis Buñuel
49. "As you lot become older, 3 things happen. The first is your retention goes, and I can't remember the other two."
—Sir Norman Wisdom
Funny Quotes About Matrimony
50. "Before you marry a person, yous should start make them employ a computer with tedious Net service to see who they actually are."
—Will Ferrell
51. "Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will non. So each is inevitably disappointed."
—Albert Einstein
52. "I dear you no matter what you do, only practice you take to practice so much of it?"
—Jean Illsley Clarke
53. "Beloved is blind simply marriage is a real eye-opener."
—Pauline Thomason
54. "Never get to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
―Phyllis Diller
55. "The clandestine to a long marriage is to stay gone."
—Dolly Parton
56. "The all-time way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too erstwhile to do information technology."
—Shirley MacLaine
57. "As a man in a relationship, yous accept a simple choice. Y'all can either be right, or you tin can be happy."
—Ralphie May
58. "Behind every great human is a woman rolling her eyes."
—Jim Carrey
Short Funny Quotes
59. "The only affair worse than being talked about is non beingness talked about."
—Oscar Wilde
60. "The older you go, the meliorate you become. Unless you're a banana."
—Betty White
61. "If you can't be kind, at least exist vague."
—Judith Martin
62. "Everyone who tells you coin can't buy happiness never had whatsoever."
—Samuel L. Jackson
63. "Reality continues to ruin my life."
―Pecker Watterson
64. "Don't exist so humble — you are not that great."
―Golda Meir
65. "Never miss a good take chances to close up."
―Will Rogers
66. "I've had great success existence a total idiot. "
―Jerry Lewis
67. "Do things that brand you happy within the confines of the legal system."
―Ellen DeGeneres
68. "Go to sky for the climate, hell for the visitor."
—Mark Twain
69. "Instant gratification takes too long."
—Carrie Fisher
70. "Don't get around maxim the globe owes you lot a living. The world owes you nothing. It was hither starting time."
—Mark Twain
71. "My tastes are unproblematic: I am easily satisfied with the best."
―Winston Due south. Churchill
72. "All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening."
—Alexander Woollcott
73. "Whoever established the high road and how loftier it should be should be fired."
—Sandra Bullock
Clever Quotes and Sayings
74. "Be wise, considering the earth needs wisdom. If y'all cannot be wise, pretend to exist someone who is wise, and then just comport like they would."
—Neil Gaiman
75. "Follow your passion, stay truthful to yourself, never follow someone else's path unless you're in the forest and yous're lost and you lot see a path and then by all means you should follow that."
—Ellen DeGeneres
76. "People who call up they know everything are a great annoyance to those of u.s. who do."
—Isaac Asimov
77. "A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is equally nasty as himself, and hates them for it."
―George Bernard Shaw
78. "Coin tin't buy you happiness, just information technology can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up correct alongside it."
—David Lee Roth
79. "The lord gave usa two ends: One to sit down on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the virtually."
—Ann Landers
Funny Quotes Most Parenting
eighty. "When my kids go wild and unruly, I utilize a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out."
—Erma Bombeck
81. "I desire my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to motility in with them."
—Phyllis Diller
82. "Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk earlier it stops snowing."
—Phyllis Diller
83. "It is not like shooting fish in a barrel being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would exercise information technology."
—Dorothy Zbornak, The Golden Girls
84. "Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow upward because they're looking for ideas."
—Paula Poundstone
85. "If you are non yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough fourth dimension with them."
—Reese Witherspoon
86. "There is no such thing as fun for the whole family." —Jerry Seinfeld
87. "Everybody wants to save the earth. No one wants to help mom do the dishes."
—P.J. O'Rourke
Funny Quotes About Work
88. "Everything I accept I owe to this chore... this stupid, wonderful, tedious, amazing job."
—Jim Halpert, The Role
89. "An office is a identify to alive life to the fullest, to the max. An office is a place where dreams come true."
—Michael Scott, The Role
90. "And then this is my life — until I win the lottery."
—Jim Halpert, The Role
91. "The best way to capeesh your chore is to imagine yourself without one."
—Oscar Wilde
92. "Housework can't kill you, but why take the chance?"
—Phyllis Diller
93. "I hate housework. You make the beds, you lot wash the dishes and 6 months later you have to outset all over again."
—Joan Rivers
94. "I like work. Information technology fascinates me. I tin sit and await at information technology for hours."
―Jerome K. Jerome
95. "I always make it late at the part, but I make up for information technology past leaving early."
―Charles Lamb
96. "Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door."
—Marcelene Cox
97. "The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen."
—Sarah Dark-brown
98. "You lot can't have a million-dollar dream with a minimum-wage worth ethic."
—Zig Ziglar
99. "All y'all demand in this life is ignorance and confidence — then success is sure."
—Marker Twain
100. "Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you lot just sit in that location."
—Will Rogers
Alesandra is a digital travel and lifestyle journalist based in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in Good Housekeeping, Woman's 24-hour interval, Prevention, Insider, Glamour, Shondaland, AFAR, Parents, TODAY, and countless other online and print outlets. Alesandra has a masters degree in journalism with an emphasis on cultural reporting and criticism from NYU, and a bachelor'southward degree from UC Berkeley. An gorging traveler, she trots the globe with her husband and their twins.
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